my nerdy moment when i was at a bar finelli’s several yrs ago in the les (NYC) and it was me and my 2 friends and him n his 2 friends, jack black being one. i went up to him and asked for an autograph. that was the not so nerdy part in this scenario. i went on to say, “i play the violin.” like really nerdy (probably subconsciously) chaneling in on the violin girl he played in his video “learn to fly” and immediately had a mental image of it right after and of him havin a mental image of himself playing the violin girl fancrushing himself in video as well. lol! he was the sweetest tho!! i ADORE dave grohl. =)

will love you when you love yourself. Don’t worry about the rest. xx

(I used to lower myself in order to make others feel higher. Especially those that felt lower. Don’t lower YOURSELF. Just bring OTHERS higher.) <3

Sometimes identifying between the 2 is as simple as this:

“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.” - Matthew 7: 15-20

In the Bible, Jesus talks about people bearing fruit. He was using a metaphor, comparing people to fruit-bearing trees. In the same way that you can tell the nature and quality of a tree by its fruit, you can tell the nature and quality of a person by their actions. An “apple” tree that produces cherries is not an apple tree…it’s a cherry tree. In the same way, a “good” person that is known for their bad actions must not really be good.

So good fruit refers to good actions or behavior. The Bible lists “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control” (Galatians 5.22-23) as specific examples of good spiritual fruit, but it encompasses all the ways God changes us to become more like Him.

so thankful i was never pushed to play.

people have a way of making public figures into an inspiration when it isn’t necessarily one’s intention to be. now i am purposefully living my life to inspire others knowing my life is in fact not only about ME and knowing that i have become a cliched “inspiration” in some fashion or another.

but i can’t live with the “lie” or presumption that i was pushed as a child to become a famous violinist and that i spent hours in a practice room every day. i didn’t work long hrs, growing up, i essentially was drawn into finding shortcuts and being efficient, not only in practicing violin, but also in all other areas in my life….math being another example, ie: when i had to work out trig or algebra problems etc, i always took shortcuts. my teacher even had me write it out in front of him just to be sure i was understanding the process/not cheating. lol

i don’t practice everyday. at least in the physical sense. a lot of it is mental at the end of the day anyway. confession #189: there was a time (actually several) where i would take days even weeks off of practicing. to this day. in fact, i haven’t touched my violin since saturday the 26th of nov. and this is not something out of the norm. i know my work ethic by now, and as much as i have constantly tried to change it for the better, i stick with my routine and what works for the most part. i deal with and accept the challenges and consequences of it. 

my mother also wasn’t and isn’t the typical “stage mother” in many senses, she only strived for her desires as with every person/parent. 

i wouldn’t say i’m lazy, but i definitely am a passive perfectionist..if i had to give it some sort of a label at this instant.

so, if i inspire others in living as the way i am, in being real and honest, i am glad. but i cannot go on peacefully (for myself), living and fitting into a “personality” or presumed “inspiration” to whomever imagines whoever that persona may be, when that isn’t in fact, me.

i write this not to gain anything from others, if anything, to gain some peace in taking one step forward in being transparent and sharing about my background and life behind the scenes. 

i love music. i am grateful and blessed of the fact that i was given the gift to share and develop. i don’t take it for granted, especially now. having said this, my journey has brought me to a place where i feel the urge and passion more so than in several yrs, to really become a better artist and musician. that i have more clarity and a voice that i want to express through music. i want to practice as to not limit the gift. i, in fact, might find myself practicing everyday. and if not, i have already found peace of mind. ;)

Music has been and is categorized into genres and sub-genres…

I see a world where music becomes something that is created not by genre or the external but one that is inspired by the internal and external where there… the lines become blurred organically… in a sense, to create a new genre which is… music. no divisions, no limits.

jesus does not divide the world into moral “good guys n “immoral bad guys”. he shows us everyone is dedicated to a project of self-salvation, 2 using god n others in order to get power n control 4 themselves. we’re just goin about it in different ways. the “gospel’ is not religion or irreligion, conservatism or liberalism, nor something halfway. its distinct in its view: everyone is wrong, everyone is loved, n everyone is called to recognize this and change. jesus said “the humble are in n the proud are out” luke 18:14 people who confess they aren’t part. good or open minded are moving towards god becuz the prerequisite for receiving grace of god is 2 know u need it. the ones who think they r just fine thx r moving away. “the lord cares for the humble but keeps his distance from the proud. psalm 138:6 - The Prodigal God - by Tim Keller